Like a Virgin
by KIS'E'productions
Summary: There’s a panty thief on the loose, and a certain Cloud guardian is out on patrol to make sure no one gets first dibs on his herbivore’s panties before him. : CRACK 1827 for Saihara :


**Title: **Like a Virgin

**Pairing: **1827

**Rating:** T

**Warnings: **CRACK, Super OOC, man loving man love, all around perverseness, dirty thoughts, panties, Tsuna's panties(?), and the wonderful thing that is Yaoi. Feeling the love yet?

**Word Count: **4, 222

**Disclaimer: **Dude, I just got into this fandom like, two weeks ago (and TYLpedoHibarixTsuna wormed its way into my heart so deep I can actually feel it crawling around in there sometimes, yo).

**Summary: **There's a panty thief on the loose, and a certain Cloud guardian is out on patrol to make sure no one gets first dibs on his herbivores panties before him : CRACK 1827 for Saihara :

_Buenos dias_, this is me making Saihara's little comic strip from her LiveJournal (entry titled '_The Panty Thief Saga_' in the 1827 community) into a fic-because it screamed out at me to love him and nurture him with my birdy mama love. Yes, I do have her permission so I hope there won't be any trouble with this *smile*. Well, please enjoy and have fun with this, kiddos. Oh, and this is my first 1827 fic, since I'm a DGM writer, so excuse my horrible usage of these characters.

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**Like a Virgin**

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**Chapter I-**_No Panties_

It started out pretty normal, one unlucky Sawada Tsunayoshi reasoned as he stared at his two guardians currently having a one-sided argument (Yamamoto was…well, Yamamoto) in front of him. Sure, Reborn had detonated a bomb under his bed as his alarm clock today, and Bianchi had once again almost sent him to the emergency room with her 'breakfast of love for Reborn' he had accidentally eaten, and yeah, the children had been specially rowdy this morning. But again, still pretty much within the normality that was now his every day life, so it had been a good day.

Or at least, it had been until he had arrived at homeroom.

"Tenth!" Gokudera had practically yelled out the second he had walked through the door, almost tripping over his own two feet in his rush as he came to a skidded stop in front of a very startled Vongola. There was a look of panic mixed with sincere worry and that ever present admiration that made the little brunette cringe every time he saw it on the silver-haired teen's face. "Tenth, I'm so glad you're alive and-"

"Yo, Tsuna," the ever friendly Yamamoto greeted him with a wave of his hand. "You're early today."

Angry hot blush on his cheeks, the Italian Mafioso glared death laser beams at the swordsman. "Why you damn baseball freak, stop being so familiar with the-"

Laughing a little bit nervously as he unconsciously backed away from the two while he clutched his backpack to his chest, Tsuna tried very hard to ignore the weird looks they were getting from the rest of their classmates. No matter how many times this had happened, he still wasn't quite used to it yet.

"Ah ha, Reborn, um, took the liberty to wake me up today," he half muttered, a slight green tint coming to his face at the awful memory. Wouldn't mother be surprised once she climbed up those stairs…

"The kid?" the sports fanatic replied, wide smile blooming on his lips. "We haven't seen much of him lately, did he go back to his parents?"

"I wish," Tsuna whispered, the simple image of that impossible dream almost making him break out into song. Or wish to live within the realms of Yamamoto's simple, easy, and pain free world. What a lucky guy.

"Hm, did you say something, Tsuna?" his less violent friend innocently asked, painfully ignoring the mixture of death threats and offensive words their passive-aggressive friend was currently throwing at him.

He quickly shook his head, a panicked look on his face. "Nothing, nothing!"

Making a beeline for his desk, trying to avoid Gokudera's worried gaze along the way as well as Yamamoto's ever present smile, Tsuna finally allowed his exhausted body to fall on his chair. He groaned upon contact, aching muscles hurting like nothing else after running all those blocks. Stupid Reborn, making him think he was late, switching his alarm with a bomb before kicking him down the stairs and not even letting him have some breakfast.

Right on time, his depraved stomach groaned in anguish, demanding food and demanding it now. Miserable expression on his face, he wrapped his arms around his belly. Agh, what he wouldn't do for even a tiny little crumb right now.

Then, like a gift from the heavens, a delectable looking sandwich appeared before his gaze; it's delicious aroma seducing him with the mere brushes of its' scent against his skin, gentle fingers lovingly caressing his cheeks as a bright smile was drawn on his lips.

"Where-"

"You look a bit hungry there, Tsuna," the dark-haired teen commented, sitting down on the edge of his desk after placing a paper bag in front of him. Leaning down until their foreheads were almost touching, he held out the delicious looking sandwich at him, a warm smile on his gentle face. "I don't mind sharing my breakfast with you, so here."

Feeling tears of gratitude running down his cheeks, Tsuna hugged the now deformed sandwich to his chest, looking up at his taller friend with reverence in his caramel eyes. "Yamamoto-kun," he barely managed to said in his gratitude, voice choked up with emotion.

Amber eyes growing wide, the smallest of the trio let out an indignant yell when he was rudely shoved backwards while the baseball team's star was roughly pushed away from the young mafia heir. What in the world-

"Fucker, get your nasty, germ-infected lunch away from the boss!" Gokudera snapped, roughly shaking the taller teen the second he got his hands on him. Yamamoto laughed good-naturedly, asking if this was a new game they were going to play. Blush on his cheeks darkening, the pyromaniac reached out to strangle him, hands twitching with the mere effort to hold himself back.

"You guys," Tsuna feebly voiced out, rubbing his sore rump. "If you keep fighting like that you'll get stuck with cleaning duty again." 'And drag me down with you,' he finished to himself.

One-sided argument coming to an abrupt stop the moment he heard the leader's voice, Gokudera carelessly threw the baseball fanatic to the side, immediately turning around to face the younger of the three Namimori students. "Tenth!" he burst out again, as if seeing him for the first time that morning

Wincing at the loud pitch of his tone, Tsuna smiled awkwardly as he waited for the storm to pass. Gokudera would always be Gokudera. No matter how many trials he had passed or how many days went by, Gokudera would always be Gokudera and Tsuna should just try to get used to it. "Y-yes, Gokudera-"

"Tenth! Tenth, are you safe? You're not hurt are you? Did that disgusting, lewd, depraved fucker get to you? Because if he did just say the word and I'll have him eating lunch out of the dumpster!"

Blinking, he opened his mouth to ask what his Storm guardian was talking about, only to be once again cut-off by said guardian. Placing himself on the seat in front of the younger teen, Gokudera straightened his shoulders and sucked in a mouthful of air.

A tad bit worried, Tsuna frowned. "Is everything alright, Go-"

"Tenth, it seems like a panty thief took a pair of Kyoko's underwear the other day," Gokudera finally spoke, expression one of utmost seriousness as he revealed this information to the one person he knew was in danger the most out of everyone in this school. No. Out of everyone in the whole world.

"Ha?"

At first, he was embarrassed at the topic the young Italian had out of nowhere chosen to bring up, but then, as the gears in his head started functioning, Tsuna's face filled with shock as his brain processed the other's words more carefully. "What?! Seriously?! That's horrible!"

Gokudera nodded gravely, features tight, as if also not being able to believe someone was capable of such a low act.

Color draining from his face at the thought of cute, kind and gentle Kyoko-chan's privacy being violated in such a way, Tsuna opened his mouth in disbelief. Who could do such a horrible thing? Kyoko-chan was the nicest person in the world, it was more than impossible for anyone to hold a grudge against her, or to dislike her enough to go this far.

Gritting his teeth, clenching Yamamoto's sandwich in his right hand as millions of thoughts of Kyoko-chan's teary and shameful face if anyone were ever to find out about this filled his head, he slammed his hands on his desk. There was a light blush of embarrassment on his cheeks (a picture of Kyoko-chan's panties forever burned into his retinas), but he paid little to no care to it as he stared at his would-be right-hand-man, determination in his caramel eyes. "We've got to do something about it!"

It was the right thing to do. Besides, besides…

Blush on his cheeks turning bright red, Tsuna shook his head as he tried to get rid of the image of Kyoko-chan thanking him for defending her honor, a cute smile on her pretty face as she kissed him on the cheek in gratitude…

Smacking his back, snapping him out of his happy bubble during the process, the silver-haired teen laughed. "Don't worry! We already have a plan!"

Furrowing his brow in confusion, Tsuna tilted his head to the side. What-

Coughing into his hand as a soft dust of pink appeared on his once pale cheeks, Gokudera gave him a sunny and comforting smile. Tsuna almost had to cover his eyes, not being able to stand the brightness of his friend's eagerness as he leaned over his seat to bring their faces closer together.

"Baseball freak and I…will protect your underwear!" he proudly declared, pointing at the clearly clueless Yamamoto standing behind him, having just recently recovered from Gokudera's daily attacks.

"Huh?"

Now completely deformed, the sandwich he had been clutching in his hand dropped to the floor with a squishy thud, finally announcing its' defeat to the world after all the pain and suffering it had endured for the past couple of minutes in the boy's clutches.

"Leave it all to us, Tenth!" the sometimes dangerous albeit loyal Italian smiled brightly at him, still with that blush visible on his face as Tsuna continued to gape at him like a fish out of water.

"We'll make sure this dirty bastard won't ever come close to taking your delicates, Tenth. I promise as your right-hand man that I'll catch the sick fuck by nightfall so you can rest peacefully tonight."

'That's not what I meant!' he tried hard not to exclaim, silent tears running down his cheeks as he was forced to participate in Gokudera's plots to protect his house, and, most importantly, his underwear drawer from this supposed perverted thief.

"So this is what we'll do…"

Yamamoto didn't know what to make of Tsuna's mortified expression, that or the pleading looks the small boy was throwing at him over Gokudera's shoulder every couple of seconds. Looking down at the fallen sandwich on the floor, then back up at those teary caramel eyes begging at him for something, Yamamoto smiled.

"Do you want another sandwich, Tsuna?"

Yes, he didn't really know what to make of Tsuna trying to jump out the window when Gokudera suggested a stakeout at the fifteen-year-olds' house. Hm. It was probably just hormones, after all, Tsuna was at that age now.

**-o-o-o-o-o-o-**

It took a while, but Tsuna was finally able to escape from Gokudera's clutches thanks to Yamamoto distracting the, eh, vigorous teen from bugging his clothes, thus resulting in another one-sided fight courtesy of his own Storm guardian. Skidding to a stop, he tried to catch his breath as he finally found a safe spot to rest and hide in. Placing a hand on his chest as he leaned against the stairs leading to the school's rooftop, he sighed.

What was he supposed to do now? He couldn't just let the person who had taken one of Kyoko-chan's underclothes to get away with such a thing, it wasn't right. But what could he, no-good Tsuna, do anyway? Catching a pervert wasn't something he could do, much less even try. Such a thing was impossible for him after all. Even with Gokudera's help, he didn't think he was capable of accomplishing that, no matter how much he would like to help cute, kind and gentle Kyoko-chan.

Dejected, he slid down the wall and buried his face in his knees.

"No good. Who could even catch a person like…"

Wait. Tsuna may not be able to do anything about this, but he did know someone that could.

Feeling a small smile of hope on his lips, he closed his eyes in relief. Now all he had to do was find that person, ask them to help and…and…

Shoulders immediately slumping, Tsuna sighed again.

Right, Hibari-sempai wasn't the easiest person to talk to, he had forgotten that. After all, this was Namimori's most fearsome delinquent he was talking about, and besides, he had never once heard of Hibari doing anything out of the goodness of his heart to help someone in need. The only thing the dark-haired boy was interested in was maintaining the school's order and discipline.

Keeping Namimori safe…

"That's right!"

Sitting up, Tsuna took a deep breath (hopefully not his last) and headed up the stairs, determined to use this loophole to the best of his advantage. If Hibari cared for anything in this world, it was discipline and order, specially when they were being applied to the school. He would definitely do something if the panty thief continued to target Namimori, Tsuna was almost completely sure of it.

"Hibari-san!"

Eyes widening when he burst through the door leading up to the roof, he covered his mouth with his hands when he noticed the kind of tone he had used to call out the third-year's name. Crap, he had let himself get carried away by the moment.

"Disturbing my sleep, Sawada Tsunayoshi? I might just have to bite you to death."

Blood freezing in his veins when he heard that familiar voice, Tsuna gulped. "H-Hibari-san," he stammered, accidentally closing the door behind him as the dark-haired teen opened one eye to look up at him from his position on the floor.

Yawning, not minding the way the little yellow bird perched itself atop his head once he stood up, Hibari dusted his shirt before he looked back at him. Tsuna didn't need to look to know that the boy was reaching for his infamous tonfas, automatically raising his hands in front of himself to protect at least one part of his body from being hit. Swallowing with difficulty, he gathered up all his courage at the same time he saw the other raise one of his tonfas.

"I-I just wanted to known if Hibari-san was aware of, of the panty thief running around the neighborhood," he said in a rush, not even sure the older boy had been able to understand him as he took a couple of steps back. "B-but if Hibari-san is sleeping I can just come back another-"

"A panty thief?" the Prefect of the Disciplinary Committee said, Hibird's cheery chirps not the least bit affected by its' owners negative aura despite that every form of life within a twenty meter area was slowly but surely withering away. Tsuna's life included of course. This couldn't be good for his health, it just couldn't. He was going to wake up one day with a head full of gray hair, he was sure of it (and he would definitely not be able to pull it off as well as Gokudera).

Nervous, hoping the taller teen wouldn't be able to notice the slight trembling of his shoulders the longer he remained in his presence, Tsuna absentmindedly scratched his cheek. Not looking at those unfaltering dark eyes staring at him, he swallowed, deciding it was now or never. "Y-yeah. Someone's stealing panties…" he continued awkwardly, a dust of pink appearing on his cheeks at the last word.

Gah, what was he doing here again? Talking about _this _kind of topic to Hibari-senpai of all people, was he that desperate to die so young? Had Reborn made him that suicidal already? B-but, Kyoko-chan. Kyoko-chan's p-privates had been stolen, and if there was anyone here who could do something to stop the perpetrator it was Namimori's number one delinquent-eh, protector. Hibari-sempai was, if anything, reliable when the matter concerned the school and its' students, of that one thing Tsuna was absolutely sure of.

"The newest victim is a Namimori High student so I thought…that you should know, Hibari-san," he finished lamely, not really knowing what else to say to this person.

Cemetery silence making him increasingly nervous, he fiddled with his fingers, not knowing if he was waiting for a dismissal of sorts. One never knew what to do when around someone as eccentric as Hibari Kyouya, and Tsuna was no exception to this world-renowned rule despite that the fearsome student was one of his guardians.

Risking a glance at his upper classmate's face, he fought down the urge to shrink back when their eyes crossed. "Hiba-"

"Tell me, was your underwear stolen?" the Prefect calmly asked, face perfectly straight as he crossed his arms in front of his chest while he fixed his dark cobalt blue eyes on his caramel colored ones.

"Ha?"

Hibird chirped, fluffy yellow feathers puffing up as it made itself comfortable on Hibari's shoulder. Opening its beak, yawning, the little bird snuggled against the collar of the older boy's school jacket as the pregnant silent continued for a couple of more seconds.

Then, laughter.

Cheeks the tiniest bit flushed, probably from his laughter, Tsuna closed his eyes in mirth at the same time a smile bloomed on his lips. It was an awkward kind of laughter though, the small boy wondering if Hibari was currently feeling a bit under the weather, his heart almost stopping at the ludicrous thought of his sempai actually making a joke. Impossible, simply impossible. It was probably the weather, yes. It was the weather; Hibari had probably not gotten enough sleep today due to the sun bothering him up here in the rooftop or something along those lines. It was the sun, the sun was the cause of this. The sun was the cause of Reborn being a closet sadist and Hibari-sempai's semi-suspicious patrols around his house every Thursday of the second week of every month. Yes, it was the sun's fault.

"Of course not!" he managed to say between awkward laughs, shoulders shaking a bit. "I don't wear panties so…"

Tsuna almost tripped over his own two feet and slammed against the closest wall when he saw Hibari's passive expression crumble a bit, the older student's throat seeming to be clogging up before he hit his chest a couple of times. Hibird looked a bit annoyed at having his sleep disturbed, almost glaring at its master as the dark-haired guardian coughed once before looking back at the little brunette.

Tsuna almost cowered under the look the other was wearing, feeling the hair on the back of his neck stand up at the powerful aura the third-year was emitting. It was almost suffocating, and it was all he could do not to fall down to his knees and beg the older boy to spare his life because his natural instincts were currently screaming at him to run away and save his himself from being eaten alive.

Scratching his chin, his upper classmate avoided looking at his eyes as he turned his gaze to the side, that startling blush still very much present on his features. Tsuna was really starting to fear for his life now.

"I-I see. So you don't wear any underwear. Quite lewd, but, I like it…" the Namimori Prefect said, almost murmuring the words to himself as he wiped off the blood running down his nose with the sleeve of his shirt.

Rendered completely speechless, it was all Tsuna could do not to run away screaming, shouting to the heavens that Hibari-sempai had been possessed by aliens. W-what had happened to cool as a cucumber Hibari and who was this man with his goose-bump inducing expression and rosy blush on his cheeks and that hair-raising smile? It was aliens, it had to be!

Expressionless look on his face again, Hibari regained his composure as he walked up to a gaping and stuttering Tsuna, who immediately backed away as far as was possible until he bumped against solid concrete. Panicking, looking around his surroundings for a way out of this predicament, his chest began to heave up and down.

Breathing a little heavily when his Cloud guardian leaned down until their foreheads were almost touching, Tsuna squeezed his eyes shut to avoid looking at that face. Dear God, he was currently on danger of being eaten and yet Gokudera was nowhere near sight when he was actually needed. Was this the irony of life Reborn had talked about? Or was fate so cruel as to do this to him after all the things he had through? Had he not suffered enough already?!

"Don't worry, as head Prefect of Namimori's Disciplinary Committee, I'll make sure to keep your underwear safe and sound, Sawada Tsunayoshi," Hibari stated, voice sounding a little different than usual as his hot breath fanned Tsuna's red cheeks.

There was a smirk on his face, Tsuna noticed when he slowly opened his eyes once he realized he was not being bitten to death, and he didn't know if that expression was worse or better than the downright lewd look the older student had been wearing before. Twisting his words like that, Hibari-sempai…Hibari-sempai was the worst!

Pulling away, although still too close to his personal space to be comfortable, the raven drew a haughty smile on his lips. "I will not allow such indiscipline to continue on my territory, and if to stop that threat I have to stake out at your house every night to catch this criminal, herbivore, then so be it."

And with that, Hibari Kyouya walked down the stairs of the rooftop, nosebleed still in a tow as he left behind one shell-shocked and unlucky Sawada Tsunayoshi to ponder the mental stability of his so called guardians.

**To be Continued…?**

**-**

**End Notes: **Augh, it didn't come out as coral as I intended it to be *shamefaced* Ah, well, if you really want to see the true epicness that was this plot go to Saihara's LiveJournal and go look for this because it is made of Win and…and more _Epic Win_.

Well, I'll continue this if Saihara-san gets more ideas for her little comic strip, or if I'm up it to, I'll ask for her permission to continue this following my own little ways. So, until then, go check out her works and bow down to their awesomeness and expect more 1827 love from me in the future!…maybe, my DGM babies are feeling neglected, but I'll try my best :D


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